By: Lauren Stockam, Springfield-Greene County Health
I’ve always been a creature of habit. I re-watch my comfort TV shows (Parks and Rec, New Girl, Friends), I do not make plans on Sunday afternoons, and I sleep much better with my sound machine playing “Gentle Rainstorm.”
I have also always been anxious. What used to manifest as stomachaches and separation anxiety from my mom as a kid grew into a consistent hum of worry in my adolescence and adulthood. And when I finished my graduate degree and entered the workforce in late 2021, I became especially anxious as I tried to adjust to my new season of life.
Feeling stuck
No one really prepares college students for the complete shift in daily life that comes with graduating and starting full-time work. Even with an overlap (I started working full time in the last two months of grad school), I felt suddenly ripped from a safe space—my friends weren’t nearby, my long nights in the library were over, and no one was grading my work to determine my progress and success (I had the hardest time with that last one).
During most of my time in grad school, I was working two part-time jobs, so I naively thought I would glide right through the transition after graduation. Instead, I found myself exhausted, irritable and unable to pull myself out of it. I knew I was moving forward—I got a master’s degree, landed a job in a field I cared deeply about, and I was preparing to sign a lease on a solo apartment—but I felt like I wasn’t moving. I’ve experienced this feeling many times in my life, often in moments of significant change. I like to call it, “Stuck.”
And I was really stuck by early 2022. I found myself turning to familiar comforts—my shows, my favorite books—all to tune out the noise in my mind that was telling me I wasn’t making progress. I knew ignoring this feeling wasn’t sustainable, but at the time, it was all I had the energy to do.
Speaking up
By fall of 2022, something had to give. I was operating on autopilot, and it was affecting my daily life. Because of my new job, I had recently established care with a primary care provider for the first time in my adult life, and I decided I would ask my doctor about what kind of help was available for my situation.
Deciding to do that was much easier than actually doing so. Many times before my appointment, I talked myself out of it. I convinced myself there was nothing especially concerning about me struggling with this transition. “Everyone goes through this,” I thought. But just because it’s an almost universal situation doesn’t mean I didn’t deserve to ask for help.
So, at the very end of the appointment, I mentioned it to my doctor (I was so nervous I felt like I might throw up). She listened, referred me to a counseling service, and I started working with a counselor within a month.
Building routines
Meeting regularly with a counselor was eye-opening for me. I realized the benefit of speaking to a neutral third-party almost immediately. I was more honest and more willing to receive constructive feedback.
Early on, my counselor caught on to my reliance on routine and repetition—maybe it was when I told her I was watching New Girl for the fifth time. She suggested that I start adding more routines into my daily life—one small piece at a time.
I began this process with a list of one thing I could do each weekday that would make me feel less overwhelmed by the end of the work week. Monday: Sweep the kitchen. Tuesday: Tidy the living room. Wednesday: Water the houseplants. And so on.
Building these routines small piece by small piece was like a hack in my brain. If I associated a certain task with a certain day, it was easy for me to internalize that the day couldn’t end until that task was complete.
Once I was comfortable with small building blocks, we moved on to bigger ones: A consistent bedtime, sleeping with my phone away from my bed, emptying the fridge of the week’s leftovers on Sundays (still working on that one). These routines felt less and less daunting as time went on, and they started to morph into those familiar comforts I always turn to in times of high anxiety.
It’s boring, but routine is the foundation of what keeps my anxiety at a manageable level. It’s what gave me solid ground in that time of transition that I could not get through alone. And I am grateful for my counselor, who I stopped seeing in fall 2023 when I was feeling confident in my daily life, for showing me how to make my brain work for me instead of against me.
Am I perfect? No. But I have a foundation to fall back on that is stronger than it was before.
Resources for routine
Just as it helped me, routine building has been shown to lower feelings of distress when faced with negative life events. Routines, especially ones tied to diet, sleep and exercise, can improve both mental and physical health.
If you think building routines into your life could be helpful, check out these stress management resources: https://mentalhealth417.com/manage-stress/